


a lullaby

by blackthornsmaid



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, M/M, Parabatai, Piano, fairchild, heronchild - Freeform, herondale - Freeform, platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 04:40:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28879614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackthornsmaid/pseuds/blackthornsmaid
Summary: "He wondered how many nights his father and Jem had spent like this, if Jem had played quiet lullabies for Will. He wondered if his father thought about how beautiful his parabatai’s hands were as they danced across an instrument. Probably not."Matthew learned to play a Welsh lullaby on the piano for James
Relationships: James herondale matthew, Matthew Fairchild & James Herondale, Matthew Fairchild/James Herondale
Comments: 11
Kudos: 37





	a lullaby

James shook off his umbrella as he stepped into the Institute’s front door. His mother and father had grumbled about the rain ruining their outing that morning, but James took great pleasure in rainy days- it was the perfect excuse to pass the entire day in the library.  
But before he could make it to the library, the sounds of a piano poorly played echoed through the high ceilings of the old cathedral. Matthew.

It was another one of Matthew’s sobriety “hobbies,” and by far the most entertaining for James. He had picked up several in the last year that he had been without the bottle: sewing new waistcoats for all the Merry Thieves (Jamie preferred a more...neutral look compared to the electric blue one that hung in his wardrobe, though Christopher donned his shimmery purple piece at least once a week), an unbearably long month where he became an extremely competitive chess player which left rook shaped bruises on Jamie’s forehead, and a rather frightening stint that started with observing Kit in the laboratory and ended with Jamie’s bedpost in flames. So the piano, through each wrong note clanged sharply off the walls, was easily the most pleasing of Matthew’s conquests. 

James paused outside the music room, an area he had always associated with the sound of Uncle Jem’s violin, and peered in. Peach pink sunlight spilled through the massive windows as the sunset bled into the rain gray clouds. The warm light pooled on Matthew’s perfectly styled hair and cast half of his face into a shadow, though Jamie could still spot Matthew’s brows knit together in concentration. James finally recognized the piece as the Rose Adagio from the Sleeping Beauty ballet that Anna and Matthew had dragged him to the week prior. He recalled the way Matthew had stumbled through the door afterwards, doubled over in laughter instead of drink. The three of them had blundered through a poor recreation of the rose adagio for an audience of laughing family members, Anna’s graceful movements left over from childhood ballet lessons saving them from total disaster. 

Matthew groaned, a heavy sound that drew James out of his reverie. He looked up to see Matthew dragging his hands through blond curls in frustration. The sunset had faded into the cool blue of nighttime, but Matthew’s hair still shone as bright as the gold in James’s eyes. He often mused that his eyes were gold not because of his demonic grandfather, but instead because he spent so much time staring at Matthew’s hair. Jamie sighed deeply...he really spent far too much time thinking about Matthew’s hair.

“Jamie?” Matthew’s voice drifted out of the music room, “James is that you?” 

James knew he was caught and swung around the door into the room.

“Of course it’s me Matthew, I doubt anybody else has the patience to listen to you butcher the notes as you do,” he said with a small laugh as he reached Matthew’s side at the piano bench. 

Matthew quirked a brow and smiled The Smile, “Well it’s lucky I have you then, my friend! Lucie came by earlier to let me know she would never hear the piano the same again and that I had likely ruined the whole instrument for her.”

James thought that if his parabatai flashed the Smile at the conductor of the Royal Opera House he might be convinced to let Matthew play in next week’s performance. 

“You certainly haven’t ruined it for me,” James said with a soft smile, “Will you play something for me?”

Matthew’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch as he nodded, “Of course...Any requests?” 

“Whatever you like to play best, I suppose.”

Matthew glanced down at the piano bench, half unoccupied and said with a smirk, “You know I’ll probably hit more wrong notes than usual if you just stand there staring at me the whole time. Sit with me Jamie, I know you’ve walked all over London today on patrol.”

James sat down next to Matthew on the small bench, his left leg coming to rest against Matthew’s. There was something he loved about the way his parabatai’s touch calmed him and he leaned into it, coming to rest his head on Matthew’s shoulder. 

Matthew exhaled and his hands began to move over the keys. James immediately recognized the tune as one of the Welsh lullabies from his childhood, a song his father would sing him to sleep with...usually after scaring him with horror stories of demon pox and Benedict the Worm. Now the song was generally reserved for nights when Will drank just a bit too much and liked to treat James, Lucie, and their parabatai as though they were still small children afraid of the dark and demonic worms. James hadn’t realized Matthew would remember it so well, though he supposed if the song lived in his heart, it would live in his parabatai’s as well. His parabatai. James’s eyes wandered to the small table near the corner of the room where Uncle Jem’s Stradivarius rested. He wondered how many nights his father and Jem had spent like this, if Jem had played quiet lullabies for Will. He wondered if his father thought about how beautiful his parabatai’s hands were as they danced across an instrument. Probably not.

Matthew played the lullaby with an ease that could only be the product of hours of practice, which puzzled James, as he had never heard this song coming from the music room before. Perhaps he had never practiced it before and some remnant of James’s demon ancestry had possessed Matthew into playing this song, this lullaby that threatened to squeeze his heart in a way that made it hard to breathe. James buried his face deeper into the crook of Matthew’s shoulder, trying to calm himself with the pulse of his parabatai’s heart but as the song crescendoed, James found it impossible to hold back his tears. He cried for his childhood, cut short by demon killings; he cried for Cordelia, his beautiful, beautiful wife who deserved better than what he had done to her, even if she had long forgiven him, even if he had been under the influence of Grace Blackthorn’s enchanted bracelet. But most of all he cried for Matthew. Matthew, his parabatai, who James loved so thoroughly, so completely he didn’t think he would ever be able to define it. Matthew, who had given up on himself, who thought himself evil, an abomination, a blight on the world. James recalled the way Matthew’s face crumpled when he finally told him his great sin, the shadow that lingered over him and forced him deeper into the bottle. This song was about childhood and a mother’s love, two things Matthew believed he had lost at an early age.

But the song was over. Apparently it had been for some time, as Matthew gently picked James’s head up off his shoulder and brought his face close until their foreheads touched. 

Matthew smiled, though not quite The Smile, as it faltered around the edges as he mumbled shakily, “I know your father wasn’t the best singer, but I didn’t think the memory of his voice would drive you quite to tears. Honestly, I meant to surprise Uncle Will with it tomorrow after dinner, but I thought you might like to hear it first.”

A shaky laugh tore out of James’s throat as Matthew continued in a whisper,, “But really Jamie, my heart, please tell me what’s made you cry...I never meant to upset you.”

The sobs stopped wracking James’s body for a moment as he played Matthew’s words over in his head. Upset him? Was that what his parabatai believed he had done? Did he not understand that there was no sound more beautiful than the song Matthew had played for him? 

“Mathew,” James began, “You have done the furthest thing from upset me...I am overjoyed, really, that we are here now, free from the burdens of last year or the year before it.” He pulled back a few inches and found his hands in Matthew’s hair, brushing sunny strands back from his forehead and continued, “I can’t...I can’t tell you what it means to me, that I can feel you, really feel you now in my heart,” and grabbed Matthew’s hand, holding it close to his chest. 

Back when Matthew had spent every waking hour with a flask in hand, James had only been able to decipher extreme highs and lows through the parabatai rune. Euphoria and deep depression were the only feelings he had thought Matthew capable of for such a long time, so when Matthew had been sober for some time and the memory of alcohol wasn’t as sharp anymore, James had started to feel other emotions through the bond. Disgust, mischief, joy, and feelings of calm would suddenly come to him and he knew they were from Matthew. Annoyance was probably his favorite. Matthew often got annoyed at silly things- ugly color combinations on a pedestrian’s outfit, his hair taking longer than usual to style, or Charles droning on about politics. 

He had explained all of this to his parabatai some months ago over a rather heated game of chess, when James cried at Matthew to stop filling him with an extremely competitive nature he hadn’t realized Matthew possessed. In turn, Matthew had confessed he felt a similar phenomena and that it wasn’t something he had realized was possible. 

Now James felt something like worry through the bond and wrapped his arms completely around Matthew. These days Matthew smelled like sandalwood and soap and James breathed him in as he pulled him close.

“I’m really not upset Matthew, please don’t worry,” he whispered into his friend’s ear. “You play beautifully, truly, I’m sure you could play that for Lucie and she would change her mind about your musical competence immediately.”

Matthew’s chest shook with laughter as he responded, “I love you Jamie...I’m sorry if I haven’t told you enough.”

James pulled back and smiled at his parabatai, the other half of his heart.

“You don’t have to tell me, I can feel it.”

**Author's Note:**

> hi! so this was my first time ever writing anything other than school papers, hope it wasn't too bad!! I was just trying to convince one of my friends that matthew would be adorable as a pianist lol :) also the lullaby that matthew plays is called suo gan


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